BE A HUSBAND
An incisive lecture given at all-mail forum some years back bore interesting title, “where have all the husbands gone?”
Indeed, where have all the holy husbands gone?
Where have the understanding husbands gone?
Where have the strong and protective husbands gone?
The bread winning yet available husbands where have they all gone?
Where have the husbands combine nobility of character with dedication and affection all gone?
Three times in the New Testament God gives directs instructions to the husbands “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Colosians 3:19
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1 Peter 3: 7
No husbands genuinely sincerely love his wife as Christ loved the church until Christ comes to dwell in his heart. You must therefore open your heart to Jesus and He turn will open up in you a fountain of love and grace that neither you nor your spouse would ever have thought possible.
But are you a husband? See. You should be an H-U-S-B-A-N-D, which means,
H – The Head (Ephesians 5: 23) the Heart (Proverbs 31:11) and the Hand that works to support and minister to the needs of the wife and family. (Acts 20:34-35) the Head seat at top the body and yet will feel no pressure from it. Once your Head begins to weigh your down body or you feel pressure, or tyranny of your body, there is a problem that requires the immediate attention of the physical. Don’t put pressure on your wife.
U – The Umbrella, protecting your wife and children from the rain of criticism and heat of oppression from friends and in-laws (Genesis 20:16).
S – Be Shepherd of the family, loving and caring for your wife and family as a shepherd does his sheep. Give precious things to your wife (Ephesians 5:25, John 10: 11-14).
B – The Burden Bearer, the Bridge Builder, and the Bread winner (Romans 15:1; 1Timothy 2:8).
A – Affection (1 Thes.2:8) every much willing to go beyond verb affirmation to practical impartation of your very soul unto your wife.
N – The Nourished (Ruth 4:15; Ephesian 5:28) of your wife and children both spiritually and physically.
D – The Desire in the heart of the wife and the whole family (Genesis 5:16) you should be such that you wife and children would want to have you around and not wishing you where away.
You are the family priest to lead the family altar and ensure that your wife and children maintain a living relationship with God. You are the family purser therefore; you must not shirk your duty of providing for the materials need of your wife and children. You are the family patrol man whose duty it is to protect, defend and secure your usually vulnerable wife from the inevitable attacks from outside and sometimes your family, relations and friend, you are the family patriarch a role model for the children the duty of inculcating discipline in the children incumbent.
An ideal husband must be
H – Holy in conscience
U – Understanding in conversation, correction and criticism
S – Strong in caring and compassion
B – Blameless and in conduct at home and out side
A – Abiding in the covenant of wedlock
N – Noble in courage, protecting the wife
D – Dependable for contribution to the needs of the family (1Timothy 5:8)
Remember your wife is absolutely. She a master peace of God’s creation made specifically for you. Beside God it is before your wife your stand or fall. Shalom
LET’S GET TALKING
Mrs. Posoni had resolved not to talk to her husband again after his comment that she lacks common sense, because she kept pressing the toothpaste tube in the middle, instead of from the bottom as he had repeatedly taught her. One thing led to another and there was a breakdown in communication. Now things have grown worse.
Various problems, sometimes insignificant, make many marriages mixtures of crosses, sparks, frictions, conflicts and cold wars, often leading a spouse to apply the cold shoulder and silent treatment to the other. Experience had shown that breakdown in communication in homes has been the ruin of many broken homes. It is very necessary to understand the issue of getting along by talking and be ready to put whatever it takes into it no matter what happens. The man who gets ahead is the man who does more than is necessary – and keeps on doing it. Do not allow breakdown in communication; for it breaks the bond of love. You must keep the channel open. Talking to one another is way of revealing or conveying one’s mind or intentions well. Communication can be verbal or non-verbal (by action or body language). The essence of talking is to make yourself clear, removing every wrong assumptions and suspicious in the other’s mind, in order to enhance understanding and health relationship. Most conflict in homes will disappear if couples will learn to speak “right words” “gracious words” “sound words” “pleasant words” “words of wise” and words that are seasoned with salt (Job 6:25; Ephesians 4:29; Proverbs16:24; Colossians 4”8). Deliberate effort must be put into talking to each other clearly, concisely and completely with care and concern for the partner. James 3:13 says, “Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”
Communication means sharing of minds, hearts, information, and feelings etc., one with another. If our conversation is positive and good, we know it by spelling the word communication thus:
C – Commence with Communing with and Committing yourself to God – because life is fragile, and must be handed with prayer.
O – Observe and Obey God’s word as it concerns marriage relationship – husband love your wife; wife summit yourself unto your own husband as unto the Lord.
M – “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:” (James 1:19).
M – Manifest and Maintain love for one another. “if slighted, slight the slight and love the slight.”
U – Understudy and Understand your spouse’s language avoid misunderstanding him/her.
N – Note and Nurture the strength of your partner – it is usually best to be generous with praise, but cautions with criticism.
I – Ignore and Intercede to God on behalf of your spouse’s weakness.
C – Consider and Consent to your spouse’s suggestions and ideas. This is stopping to conquer.
A – Advise and Admonish one another with the word of God “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:16).
T – Tenderly Touching and Tease him/her, Tempering your talks with a good doze of smiles and laughter, giving treats and pat on the back, etc.
I – Intelligently Initiate communication with your spouse by discoursing things of interest with.
N – Never Neglect settling scowls or grudges before sleeping; for the heaviest things person can carry is grudge.
G – Genuinely Give your time to listing to your spouse.
Communication pitfalls to avoid
(1) Do not hurry into any conversation before saying a word of two in prayer to God. If you hurry, the probability of his misinterpreting you is high.
(2) Do not delay apology when necessary.
(3) Do not allow distractions, wondering thoughts or absentmindedness.
(4) Avoid bringing past offenses into present situation in your speech.
(5) avoid self – justification.
(6) Avoid unrestrained criticism and condemnation when speak.
(7) Don’t be insincere but speak the truth in wisdom.
(8) Avoid personal attacks or shifting blames.
(9) Avoid answering questions with questions.
(10) Avoid explosion, silent treatment of communication breakdown.
You must get on talking, and talking right.
If anything, human relationships are never static. Changes take place every now and then in people’s value systems, emotions, pursuits, inclinations and aspirations. Since no two individuals are the same and moods keep swinging up and down, there cannot but be such differences and disagreements that may threaten the stability of any human relationship (especially marriages), sometime causing a tearing apart. This calls for real understanding and deliberate efforts of the parties involved to ensure that broken or threatened relationship are mended.
How is your relationship with your spouse? Stained? Almost broken? Broken? Prayerfully take these godly steps:
Create opportunity for only two of you to take over the matter.
Listen to your partner with a willingness to understand.
Be in control of your emotion, carefully and cautiously choosing your words.
Objectively examine yourself to see where you are probably at fault.
Apologies for your faults, determining never to repeat the action and its likes.
Seek the well-being of your partner and soften your heart and stance for him/her.
If you are the offended, never nurse a feeling of revenge but pray and receive grace to forgive.
Give all possible concessions.
If your partner fails to see reason, then take the step.
Prayerfully seek a God-fearing third party who will be sincere and fair to listen to both of you.
If the third party’s intervention deadlocks, take the next step.
Prayerfully report the matter to your pastor or any one who has some measure of authority over you both.
In case your partner remains implacable, then continue in prayer for him/her, believing God to melt his/her heart and change it.
Ensure you are not harboring any resentment, revenge or retaliation so your prayers are not hindered.